Most people, if not all, will experience self-doubt and a lack of confidence at some point in their lives. This is perfectly normal. A chronic, debilitating lack of confidence that shackles you, is not.
Know who you are
The first step in the process of building confidence begins with knowing who you are. This seems obvious but without a clear understanding of your unique character, strengths, and weaknesses, confidence is likely to dissolve at the first sign of resistance. Failure is often a result of us trying to be somebody we aren’t.
When your confidence comes from within, it is more likely to be solid, secure, and independent of other people’s opinions. This is what you should strive for.
On a scale of one to ten, where is your confidence level right now? 1=No confidence. 10=Completely confident. The answer may fluctuate from time to time, depending on your current situation or recent circumstances. Wherever you are on your journey, know that it is possible to make some changes to restore your confidence.
I always request new coachees do a personality test and perhaps you would like to do one too. Two I generally recommend are either the 16 Personalities test or the Myers Brigg Personality Test. While it may not always be 100% perfect, it gives a fairly comprehensive guide on where your strengths and weaknesses lie.
Strengths and weaknesses
Identifying areas of weakness is meant to raise awareness, not criticism. We all have them. What are some of your weaknesses? Are they genuine weaknesses or exaggerated self-criticism? What can you do to manage/improve these areas?
Be as honest as possible and write your answers in a journal.
Identifying our strengths can be equally difficult. We can get caught in a spiral of negativity and find it hard to believe we have strengths. You do have them, even if they lie buried.
Establish how these strengths may compensate for some of your weaker areas. Focus on your strengths and how you can replace any negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Once again, keep a record of all your thoughts and ideas in a journal.
And do be patient as this is not something that happens overnight. Lack of confidence is a habit that needs to be broken.
Introvert vs Lack of Confidence
Qualities of a confident woman
- Questions the norm in a positive way, without making excuses, and is not afraid to suggest different solutions.
- Treats others with kindness and consideration.
- Has a clear vision, goals, and an action plan to achieve them, not just an idol talker.
- Her yes is definite and is not driven by guilt or a need to please.
- She manages her expectations and is realistic about what she takes on, boundaries are well-defined. Her no is final and she feels no guilt.
- Aware of her strengths and weaknesses.
- Not afraid to make mistakes because it doesn’t identify who she is. She learns and moves on.
- Creates her success without pulling others down.
- Always focuses on the positive, not the negative and her speech reflects this
- She is aware that her confidence comes from within but dresses to reflect that confidence outwardly.
- Takes care of physical appearance as an extension of her confidence, not to appear confident. She is not afraid to step out of her comfort zone and experiment with hair and style.
- Self-confidence means she is secure with who she is and doesn’t compare herself to others.
What causes a lack of confidence?
Another part of knowing ourselves includes knowing why we lack confidence in the first place. If we know the cause, we can work towards overcoming it, right?
How to overcome a lack of confidence
Confidence is a game-changer and something we can develop by overcoming our insecurities. While we are often able to address and overcome much of our lack of self-confidence on our own, sometimes it can have more deep-rooted causes. If this is you, you may want to consider seeing a counselor or psychologist who can work with you to overcome whatever it is that is blocking you.
Recognize the Signs
- can’t take criticism
- broken relationships
- social anxiety
- lowered brain capacity
Rationalize your lack of confidence
So what if I am not perfect or slip up from time to time?
- What are you telling yourself about the situation and life?
- Be aware of the cause: shame, pain,
- Isolate it to that incident when you failed and consider what you can learn from it. Are there strengths you can use that will help you overcome? What weaknesses should you be aware of?
- Let go of perfectionism and self-judgment.
- What have they got to lose?
- What will they gain?
- How can I prepare?
- What is within my control?
- Are there resources I need so as not to fail?
- What do I fear?
Journal all your answers and if necessary, chat with a friend, coach, or counselor so that you may get a proper perspective.
Have an Action Plan
- What would you do/do more of/do better if you had more confidence? Simply setting goals or repeating affirmations won’t help, although this is part of it. Change has to come from within, from a changed mindset.
- Begin to dream of what you would like to do/be. When you nurture hope it will alleviate self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and stress. It does this because it reduces the uncertainty that you would typically feel while experiencing these emotions. As a result, you have a higher level of self-confidence and self-belief that things will possibly work out in your favor.
- Set your goals according to your needs and desires.
- Stop comparing yourself to others who have different priorities.
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Associate with people who will allow you out of your shell and set boundaries with those who don’t.
Lack of confidence in the workplace
Confidence in God at the core
Courage precedes confidence
Failure is a fact of life, but we develop all sorts of excuses to avoid it, yet we can learn from our failures using the right mindset. Don’t allow the fear of failure to keep you stuck. This is how we figure out what doesn’t work
We need to rewire our brains to approach life differently.
Complete the personality profile by following the link in the text. Ask God to give you wisdom as you read the results and to help you see your greatest strengths and hidden talents.